ok, so i'm not sure what to do. i'm thinking about rebooking the flight back to australia so i come back a week earlier. i don't like borneo at all. i hate to say it. i HATE to say it...
ever since i was a kid i have been dreaming about going here.
now at age 23, i am here and i don't like it at all. it's so disgusting, dirty, filthy and full of sick animals and toothless people. i always try to be nice and not think bad thoughts but here, it's like this devilish part has taken over me and i don't like that at all. i just can't stand it. i wanna go back to australia and back home to sweden NOW. everyday since i came here i have been counting the days til i go back to australia. i have this song that i sing in my head when i wake up. 17 days to go HEY!
today it's 16 days to go HEY!
but 16 days feels like longer than eternity.
borneo is nothing like i thought it would be. it's mostly palmtrees. there is jungle left but it's not easy to get there. the ocean is beautiful, but then again, it's just not enough. i thought for sure there was gonna be more jungle but so far it has mostly been cities, and one is more distgusting than the other. i don't know if i can take it for 16 more days...
maybe it's just me too. i think i got enought yesterday when i took a walk on the beach at mabul island. in the brochure mabul looks gorgeous, then you get there and the island is full off trash. just trash everywhere. there is heaps of trash floating around in the water as well. i thought i was gonna be able to enjoy some relax time at the beach. but no.
i get there and there is just trash, crying kids and people staring at me like they've never seen a tourist before. and there are cats everywhere, skinny ones. i see a kitten and i'm like, i need some love. so i walk towards it to pet it, and as i come closer i can see that it's really not doing good.
it's superskinny and it's eyes red and swollen shut. it's just sitting there with like no life in it, almost falling over. i sit down next to it, and all i wanna do is pick it up and snuggle it and let it die in my arms. at least it would die with someone that cares, so it doesn't die all alone.
but the locals were staring at me so i just ran back to my room and cried. cried and cried. i'm emotional. sometimes i love it. cause i get amazed very easily by the most random things. a cute animal can make my day.
then again, a sick dying animal can ruin my day, my week, that whole month. this kitten incident totally knocked me right off. i was so angry and sad and i stayed that whole day in my room, totally emotionless. didn't wanna do anything.

so i don't know. i do wanna see turtle island, and kota kinabalu. they have an island there with monitor lizards on it. i wanna see them so bad. but other than that, i'm pretty damn good. i have no interest left in borneo. it's so sad. can't believe i was gonna feel this way! i guess, if i was normal, i wouldn't care to much about the skinny sick animals. i would just enjoy the warm weather. but i can't... i'm not doing good here. i feel sick to my stomach walking the streets in the cities. seeing the animals, having all these people going: helloooo, hi, hellooo girl!
it's like i'm an alien. i feel so stared at. no, i don't like it. i'm sorry borneo, but i don't feel comfortable here at all. the beauty doesn't shine trough. i guess it is beautiful here but i don't see it. there is to much bad things blocking the view.

i'm gonna sleep on this and maybe get new tickets tomorrow. then i'll have time to go to fraser island in australia, that would be fun!